(Photo source unknown)
Today is the Vernal Equinox, my personal New Year's Day and my favorite day of the year.
It arrives this year at the end of a week that has not felt very springy. Stuff has been pretty unfun and sometimes daunting for many months now. Nothing hideous-awful, mind you; just a long, steady drip-drip-drip of "not good", oh no, and "harder than seems right" with few signs of impending lift. It's the duration more than the facts that give it all such weight. Well, okay, I'm not much keen on the facts either. As a result, the two human souls under this roof struggle some mornings to do the "'tude adjustment" - as the Greek calls it - to go happily and optimistically into the new day. In short, this is not how I usually greet this - my - auspicious, ready-set-go day.
Normally, I feel like a gardener with spring blossoms to tend. This year, I'm a worm in the dirt hoping to run into some workable seeds.
But let's not call it dirt. Let's call it soil... deep, rich, somewhat sodden and uncomfortable soil. Dark, yes. I can't see an inch in front of me in this place. Still, a place of potential. If I can just feel my way through it. If I can just assume that, whatever this looks like/feels like, it is all somehow good. <-- See? There it is. 'Tude adjustment at work.
Therefore, Resolved On This (Very Particular) New Beginning:
To accept the immediate darkness as a brilliant friend in a weird damn get-up.
To embrace each fear that rises. Instead of fleeing into distraction, to visit the center of it, to sit there for a spell, and listen.
To maintain - at minimum - my so-far snail's pace response to the aforementioned inner call to.... Silence. Love. Silence. Love.
To keep remembering to breathe. To maybe even get good at it.To discover this year's garden rather than planning it. (Ha! As if this is a choice!)
To celebrate royally at the harvest. And buy a new dress for it. An expensive one. And fabulous, perhaps even ridiculous, shoes for dancing. Shoes suitable for framing. And wear flowers in my hair for the first time ever.
